"Purrsuit" of Boundaries

Hello A Graceful Space readers —

Today I am excited to kick off the summer by introducing y’all to someone very special to me: Miss Aileen Sanchez.

I have been Aileen’s Peer Academic Counselor—aka mentor—for the past year through the Rotunda Scholars Program, which is one of my jobs.

However, regardless of it being my occupation, Aileen is one of those students that just makes work a joy. Through our meetings & outside of work encounters, I began to get to know Aileen & the wonderful person she is.

I am extremely proud to now call her a friend, & I cannot wait to see all that she will soon accomplish. Although she's an absolute gem, Aileen did face some hardships this year gaining some self-awareness through her freshman year of college—as we all do–myself entirely included. Because of this & her awe-inspiring knowledge when it comes to relational & personal boundary dynamics, I knew she would be "purrfect" (it will make sense later haha) to talk about manners in which boundaries can be set for oneself or be made together.

These 5 aspects she will introduce have helped me tremendously, & I hope it will be of aid to y’all too.

Please give her a warm welcome :)

Aileen:

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think about pets?

Most people say that they prefer dogs over cats & that is because, in the world of pets, cats have earned a reputation for their fierce independence & mysterious nature. One fascinating aspect of their behavior is the way they establish boundaries with people, which oftentimes is resorting to scratching. As a cat lover myself, I have recognized this to be a clear signal to leave them alone.

While we humans certainly don't advocate scratching as a means of boundary, in regards to setting in human relationships, I’ve learned from having a cat how they can teach us valuable lessons about the importance of setting boundaries.

For example, I have learned, from my freshman year of college, a lot of new things: from learning how to do my own laundry (shockingly) to being able to say “no” to others to then experiencing my fair share of emotions & finding out that I was rather more preoccupied with what people thought of me rather than actually caring about what I thought of myself.

Due to this, Gracie has asked me to share my experiences particularly with setting boundaries for myself; she knows, as my personal Peer Academic Counselor last year, that this was instrumental to my first year of college as well as instilling so much personal growth in myself. I'm going to list some advice I have for y'all about the different manners in which boundaries can be set because it will be different for everyone, & that’s okay. Now my 5 tidbits of advice might not be useful for everyone, but I know for certain that someone will be able to relate to my tips & tricks of life.

1. Self-Care & Emotional Well-being:

Just like how my cat, Lolo, needs his time away from me, humans require personal space & time to take care of their physical & emotional needs. Establishing boundaries allows us to prioritize self-care without feeling guilty or overwhelmed; however, this is something people tend to overlook when it comes to getting rid of toxicity in their life. By clearly defining our limits & communicating them to others instead of holding them in, we can prevent burnout, reduce stress, & maintain a healthy balance between personal & social interactions. Moreover, by setting boundaries, this can help us ensure that we have the energy & emotional capacity to give our best to others when we choose to.

Have y’all ever had a friendship where spending time with that person becomes something you dread to do?

Dealing with toxic friends can be emotionally draining, but setting boundaries is essential for reclaiming your space & protecting your well-being.

2. Respect & Mutual Understanding:

My cat, Lolo, has taught me that he's a master at—communicating his boundaries through body language, hisses, & yes, scratching. While myself & others may not resort to such extreme measures to make our boundaries as clear/evident, I have learned that it is essential to establish clear boundaries to foster respect & understanding in our relationships with others. When we set boundaries, we communicate our needs & limitations to others, allowing them to understand & respect our limits. Never in my life, was I ever forced to set boundaries until coming to college. I was too close with people too quickly, & it backfired on me. Instead of caring how I felt within the friendship I worried more about what the other person felt, & wanted to please their every need. There were moments where I broke down crying about how I felt, but felt guilty for expressing my feelings, this is not okay. I’m grateful to thank my friends, especially Gracie for helping me realize that it’s okay to stop being friends with people who make me feel horrible about myself. By setting boundaries, doesn’t mean necessarily to cut a person completely off, it is more like tailoring your feelings to yourself instead of them. Setting boundaries in turn, promotes healthier & more harmonious interactions, reducing the chances of misunderstandings, conflicts, or resentment.

3. Building Trust & Enhancing Relationships:

Cats, despite their independent nature, often form deep bonds with their human companions. My cat Lolo often seeks affection & companionship on his terms, which teaches our dynamic relationship in some way to thrive when boundaries are respected. Similarly, in human relationships & friendships, setting boundaries cultivates trust & intimacy. When we go to assert our limits & communicate them effectively, we create an environment of trust & understanding, where both people feel safe & comfortable expressing their needs & desires. Being an effective communicator is not just talking about how you feel it's listening to both sides, & having a full perspective of everything. Especially by having full transparency offers trust as a way to build fundamental relationships with others.

4. Encouraging Personal Growth:

Boundaries are not only about protecting ourselves but also about encouraging personal growth & development. By setting boundaries, we empower ourselves to pursue our passions, goals, & interests. When we establish clear limits, we gain the freedom to say no to commitments that don't align with our values or aspirations. This allows us to focus our time & energy on activities that bring us joy, fulfillment, & personal growth. Such as writing, gardening, or going to church– these are all ways to have growth in your life.

5. Teaching Others How to Treat Us:

Remember, setting boundaries is an ongoing process, & it may take time for others to adjust. Be patient with yourself & with others as you navigate this journey of asserting your needs & teaching others how to treat you. Sometimes we won’t always receive the response we want, & that’s normal—since pushback from others is normal in situations of setting boundaries. Humans are quite sensitive as well when it comes

when it comes to allowing people into their personal space, just like cats. By setting clear boundaries, we teach others how to treat us, creating a healthier dynamic based on respect & consideration. This promotes open communication, reduces instances of manipulation or mistreatment, & fosters more fulfilling connections.

Bye for Now:

While we may not emulate Lolo’s scratchy, boundary-setting tactics, their approach to setting boundaries can serve as an inspiration for us. Establishing & communicating boundaries is vital for our well-being, relationships, personal growth, & maintaining a sense of autonomy. By setting clear limits, we create an environment that encourages mutual respect, promotes trust, & enables us to lead healthier, more fulfilling lives.

So, let's learn from our feline friends, like Lolo & start setting those boundaries—scratches optional!

And remember, boundaries are not meant to isolate us but to create healthier & happier connections with the people around us.

Aileen’s Bio:

My name is Aileen Camila Sanchez; Aileen means “the light”, as when I was born my Mom said that I was the light of her life; also Camila is in honor of my Grandma who loved me as much as she could before her passing. I’m extremely grateful & proud of these two women; I know that without their love or support, I would not be the same person I am today. I am currently an incoming sophomore at SMU. However, I have been able to achieve so many amazing opportunities during my short time here. I am a double major in English & Advertising with minors in Business & Spanish. Alongside my academics, I am also extremely involved in my campus life, from being a Peer Academic Counselor for the Rotunda Scholars Program, to being an RA in my dorm’s commons. I have been offered a plethora of incredible experiences in my life, & I will continue to be forever grateful for everything I have received in my life. I wish for whoever reads this to know that as long as you have love & God in your life, any type of these two will make you resilient in doing anything you set your mind to; that’s how powerful love & God are.

Here’s my contact just in case you ever need some advice, or someone to talk to! aileens@smu.edu